Listen I love pizza. My appreciation has grown leaps and
bounds since I signed on with PMQ Pizza Magazine just one year ago. And NO,
it’s not because they pay me to like it. As a 7-year-old at my Knights of the
Round Table-themed birthday party, I scarfed down the better part of a whole pepperoni
pie. Of course I hurled buckets and it was some pretty traumatic comeback sauce
blended so noxiously with all that purple icing and the chocolate milk half
gallon chaser. Nope, even that didn’t put me off pizza. But I didn’t fully
appreciate it, yet.
I ate a lot of it in
college and ordered a ton of it for my kids after I richly earned my status as a
single parent, twice. The history, the tradition, the Roman legions, the
difference between a Chicago Deep Dish and Neapolitan, between pecorino Romano and
buffalo Mozzarella, between a peel and a
spoodle. Learning just a little about
dough and ovens and regional styles and sockeye salmon-topped specials makes me
dig it all the more. No pizza love deficit from me. Still, got some news for you—I’m
not about to brand myself with a tattoo of my favorite slice or even the name
of the international pizza communication company that employs me for that
matter.
I love my job. OK, not as much as pizza, but the team at PMQ
is a swell bunch of folks with some very talented writers, editors, graphic
designers and videographers. Even though we have an impressive logo that you’ve
no-doubt enjoyed yourself as a loyal PMQ reader—you know, the cute little slice
triangle arrowhead injecting the Q tail thingy (printers terminology), it ain’t
ever going on my shoulder, or forearm or butt. I won’t be following in the needle-chiseled path
of those dudes and dudettes who work at this happenin’ pizza joint in our
nation’s capital called &pizza. The passionate ”pie tribe” (yep, that’s what
they call themselves) can’t wait to meander a few blocks down the street in
their little bohemian section of D.C. to acquire their free tattoo courtesy of
their generous, some would argue visionary, bosses. Yes, I too thought D.C. was
entirely populated by up-tight politicians and lobbyists. Who knew it boasted
its own Haight Ashbury. Turns out &pizza will even throw in a free tat for
customers who purchase $1,500 worth of pizza. Their customers literally sign
their loyalty in body ink. Who needs coupons?
Yes, ampersands are
cool, I guess. I’ve worked more than 33 years in writing and publishing and I
do admire a well struck “Special Character.” The flowing Ampersand might even be my
favorite in tight competition with the elegant, but emphatic, exclamation mark.
Much as I adore typography, for my taste,
paper is the proper medium for all those noble typefaces, not skin.
But that’s just old-school yours truly. I have an ex wife
who shocked me one evening by revealing the tiny, tantalizing rose tattoo just south
of her right hip—and this is a Republican, Chamber of Commerce-connected WASP mother-of-three. I liked it. A lot. On her. That tattoo didn’t
save our marriage, but it did open my mind a bit to the value of body art in
certain contexts. The thing is, though, you better pick your epidermal tracings
with the judgment of Solomon, with an eye toward eternity, or at least your own
personal expiration date. OK, maybe I’m evolving on tattoos, but I’m just not ready! Great
place for an exclamation mark.
Here’s the bottom line: What’s going to endure? Your
girlfriend, your wife, your country of origin, your puppy, Justin Bieber, your workplace,
your favorite food? None of us really know—but if I had to stake my next child
support check on it, my money’s on the cold pizza. Come to think of it, for a
modest ($20,000 smackers) bonus from my wonderful bosses, I might be motivated
to visit my local tattoo parlor and affix my undying PMQ devotion to my left
butt cheek. If I ever get married again, I’ll tell her it stands for primordial
magical quest?